Thursday, October 06, 2005
I was mesmerized, staring at the golden rays that emanated out of it. It took me a moment to realize what it was because it was the last thing I had expected to find. Could it be I wondered, that I’had finally struck gold? It lay there in the sun blinking shards of brilliance at me so blindingly bright that for all of me I couldn’t turn away. I prodded it gently with my toe just to let it know I was there and it smiled back, letting me know it had noticed me too. The Crane’s dance had began. And so we danced, I would marvel at it’s beauty, and it, in that knowingly way would radiate it’s approval showering me with golden rays of radiance. I could see my mirrored compliments on it’s smooth shiny surfaces, both infinite and exquisite . Oh yes we danced, avoiding the obvious but both knowing it nonetheless. I suddenly caught my breath and stopped in mid step, what was I doing? There was obviously only one way to tell if this was indeed real gold. I had to feel it, touch it, examine it. And so I did curling my fingers around it’s smooth edges and feeling it’s cool composure send shivers deep into my nerves. This was it, it had to be! Only real gold could make someone feel this way. I didn’t question why a valuable piece of gold was laying unclaimed in the middle of this cold land. It didn’t for a second occur to me that this piece of gold could be flawed or worse, a fake. All I knew was that, Ill-Fortura, the godess of making many bad things happen in a row had long made sport of my life. She was due to go out to lunch any time now – and this was as good a time as any. I stumbled about in a drunken stupor, dreaming of all the wonderful things this piece of gold was going to get me. Suddenly the future seemed bright and limitless, and to think it had just been laying there unclaimed, waiting for me. Oh what fortune!
It had been days since I last touched it. I had fallen into a habit of peeking in my secret closet every once in a while to make sure it was still there. It was still there. But I had started to notice that each time I checked on it, it sparkled a little less. Deep inside I knew it was my fault because every time I would see it, I would push it deeper into the dark confines of the closet and not let enough light shine on it. Of course every once in a while I’d pull it out and lay it on the kitchen table, and marvel at it’s beauty for when the light would hit it just right, it had a special way of saying “hi” that would set my entrails aglow. I failed to realize that it was only light that it lacked and the brilliance that had once captivated me so hadn’t changed. It was just harder to see. The darker it got, the angrier it made me. What the hell was I doing? Had I become the proverbial fool who fell for the false gold? I didn’t want to be that fool, I had heard all the stories and that definitely wouldn’t be me. I was too smart to be duped by falsehoods and false glitter, wasn’t I? Wasn’t I? So the day came when it didn’t shine anymore and I could no longer see my reflection cast in it’s metallic helm. That was the day I let it go, put it on the the bridge and let it roll down to the edge on it’s volition. I didn’t reach out my hand to stop it even though I knew in a moment it would soon plunge back into the murky depths of the unknown from whence it came. I stood there and watched it as if daring it to roll back to me if it did indeed belong to me. No sweet goodbye, no I’ll miss you, no hug, no kiss. Just the empty splash that would tell me I would never see it again. Never find out for sure if it was the real thing. All it had needed was a little light and maybe it would have made all my exotic and erotic dreams come true. All it had needed was a little more time on the kitchen table every now and then. All it had needed was for someone to let it shine and it would have let him shine too. Alas, it was gone now. I guess Ill-Fortura doesn’t take lunch breaks. As it tumbled in the air I caught my reflection, it appeared I was crying.