Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Heart or Duty

I look around this burning house
ash and fire
the grey smoke rising higher
Yet the walls are so cold

I am bound by oath to this place
paper and color
the places I signed my honor
Yet I cannot stay

I have found a new solace
pillow and bed
gentle bosom to rest my head
Yet it will not let me

I have a choice to make
heart or duty
to follow task or beauty
Yet beauty’s going away

Monday, January 02, 2006

Déjà Vu (not really)

There’s that Déjà Vu feeling again! Wasn’t I just here a few (days?? Weeks?? Months??!!) ago? I look around the place and I know for certain I’ve been here before. There’s a note lying on the floor, I pick it up.... I will go to the gym more.... Hmmm, where have I heard those words before?! What’s that? There’s something written on the right corner, I look more closely....January 1st 2005...I recognize that hand writing but can’t quite place it. What is this? The twilight zone? It must be because everything seems so strange. There’s something on the table…..it’s a picture! Maybe that’ll answer some of my questions. I pick it up, it’s dusty and faded like a distant memory yet the colors are still bright and alive. The paper feels strangely warm as I gently brush the dust off it’s surface. There’s a face on it. It’s a young boy/man with a stoic face, kind eyes and bright smile that I feel strangely drawn to. Who is this boy/man? I turn the picture over...good luck bro, keep it real...and suddenly I feel great sadness. Is this me? I look around the room and spot the mirror on the wall. The face looking back at me is not the same in the picture but there’s some familiarity. I must know who this boy/man is. I tuck the picture in my left breast pocket (right above my heart) in case the memory comes back to me. There’s a vase on the table with dry, wilted flowers in it. I move closer and realize that all the flowers have turned brown from age (they were once half a dozen yellow roses, some pink posies and a few red carnations). There’s a card stuck in between the stems...Happy Valentines Mom... I open it ...I love you, Feb 14th 2002...and notice a tear drop stain on it. Does that date mean that’s the last time this person got a valentine’s wish? I hope not because that would really be sad. There’s a handmade titanium fountain pen with a gold nib and some sort or engraving on it next to the vase. I pick it up...Happy Birthday Dad, November__ ...and realize the engraving wasn’t finished. What kind of person doesn’t know his/her father’s birthday? I would never be so cut off from the people I love. If this was me I would stay close to all the people important to me, this is inexcusable! I want to leave this place, it’s full of cold memories and sadness. I notice the bottle of Burberry Brit on the night stand. What a coincidence, that’s the same (make that only) cologne I use. Hmmm, I have a shirt just like the one lying on the bed. Actually I have that same bed! What is this some kind of joke? What’s today April fools? I look down at my wrist to check the date but my watch is missing. WAIT! There’s my watch lying right next to the bottle of cologne! That's when I notice the sign over the bed, "SANDMAN"!