Name change after marriage can be an emotional and volatile issue for newly weds. After reading this article “
Should I change my name?” on
Majonzi I decided to write this post.
Let’s first look at it from a woman’s perspective first.
Women have become more independent with more of them getting married after already establishing their careers and achieving various social and intellectual accomplishments. Although modern society still has a ways to go in the recognition and practice of sexual equality, it has come a long way and a woman can no longer be considered her husbands property. Even the tradition of paying dowry is not as automatically practiced as it once was with more couples joining the union as equal financial partners.
There’s also the issue of identity. A Woman who has used one name all her life will see that as part of who she is. It’s a bond with her family and a link to her cultural and ancestral heritage which should not be neglected. It can’t be easy to just drop what has been a distinct part of her identity to adopt another without feeling some sense of loss.
A woman not wanting to change her name would argue that if her husband was secure in his manhood he wouldn’t be threatened by her keeping her maiden name. He would realize that it doesn’t mean she loves him any less only that it is something that would be important to her. If marriage is indeed an equal partnership then no one should have to give up anything they are not comfortable with.
Now the men.
For a lot of men, the issue of their wives adopting their name has more to do with a chauvinistic family view where the man is the unquestioned leader of his family. Unfortunately this is the main reason why many men insist on their wives taking their name after marriage, no ifs ands or buts. Most modern families still have the man as the figure head of the family unit but with both partners having equal say over family decisions. For most men, this issue would raise questions of commitment and what it would really mean as a couple.
There are legitimate reasons for a wife to change her name to her husbands. Even thought most traditional practices are unsubstantial and arcane not all of them should be discarded. The tradition of a woman taking a husband’s name is as deeply rooted as the one of children taking their father’s name. One of the social characteristics of a family unit is that they typically all share the same name. It’s not wrong for a man to want that which he views as an important part of universal culture. Having everyone in the family share a name is indeed as old as Adam and Eve.
Marriage as a compromise
As with any other pact, compromise is the key. When people get married, it’s important that they realize that it’s not about them as individuals anymore. It is about them becoming one and wanting to share everything about each other. There’s no-one-size-fits-all solution to the name change dilemma but there’s one solution that seems to be gaining popularity. The wife keeps her Maiden name but takes on her husbands name as well. She then can opt to use her maiden name for her professional career but use both names for social and personal business dealings. Just my tongolo mbili.
